Dudes and dudettes, I'm set up over at Wordpress these days. (swirlability)

Right now it's all about having a fresh start. Live Journal for me is too wrapped up in introspection and internalisation, which I don't think is a good space for me anymore. More than half of my life has been spent looking inside and dissecting all the things wrong about myself. That's what personal experience is for me now. My goal these days is to be part of the wider world; to be open not closed, to not be trapped inside my head. My new blog is part of that. Festivals are part of that. Travel too. And parachuting out of planes. I performed on stage last year for the very first time. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life, but I did it, I survived; I didn't run away. My new blog scares me a little. It's about me writing regularly, and writing about subjects other than myself, which means that I can be told I'm wrong. I don't like making mistakes. At all. But it's part of the experience of learning to not be afraid all the time.

I'd like it if you read my new blog, made comments, told me what you do and don't like. I'm a little bit excited. I have widgets!

I'm on the way out the Live Journal door. It's been pleasant here in a small community of people that I know, mostly blogging about my life in ups and downs, with little bits of interaction along the way. But I no longer want to live my life purely through introspection. The world is a big, glorious, messy space, a playground to learn and stumble in. The private world of Live Journal doesn't suit me anymore. I will keep blogging; I'm not entirely sure what format it's going to take just yet, but figuring it out is part of the fun. It won't happen here though. It's not likely to happen straight away, and I'll post details as I go. This is a heads up for anyone who may be interested following me through projects and travel, arts and business. The next few years are going to be exciting.

My housemate Clare bought me a groovy jacket she found at Savers just because she thought I'd like it. It's good to be home.

1. Yoga in the Spiegeltent
2. Dodgeem cars with the front of house staff - my car was dubbed Brutal Death
3. Flirting with a Fringe box office boy

Also in the tentative stage of awesome - I have a few possible leads for work not only in Edinburgh, but throughout Europe. We'll see how it goes.

An obnoxious bogan at Future Music called me four-eyes yesterday! I've never been called four-eyes before, as most adults I encounter have the social mentality of, well, adults. It was kind of awesome. It was a lovely banter that involved swearing on both sides (I'm not sure if I've ever told anyone to go fuck themselves before), and then a follow up as I walked by again at the end of Franz Ferdinand. I now feel like I've had a genuine outdoor music festival experience.

The band were good, though I still prefer the intimacy of a pub gig. I even danced a little when they played Michael, and it was nice.

I've finally seen Vigilantelope in 'Tale of the Golden Lease' and it's so good I want a t-shirt proclaiming my love to the world.

Woo, my mood is all up and down at the moment. I should have anticipated it given that change has always required an adjustment period for me, but it caught me off-guard. My first week in Adelaide was pure motivation; going out to see the city, being physical, being confident. Then the second week hit and unfamiliar surroundings started to seem foreboding. All I've wanted to do the last few days is sleep, which makes me feel terribly guilty, like I've failed in the spirit of adventure. I'm having difficulty navigating my place amongst the other staff, and I'm still not fully sure what my role is suppose to be. No doubt my insecurity is coming into play when I feel my environment is unwelcoming, and I'm falling on old habit and emotion because it takes me to a place I understand. But it's not a good place, and I need to be careful about regressing into self-sabotage. I'm all defensiveness at the moment, and I don't like it.

The last few days I've seen a few people from Melbourne who all seem happy to see me, which makes me start to think again that maybe I'm important. For a while there it was hard to imagine.

Why the fuck not?

Morphettville Riding Centre

Ah, the adrenaline of change is starting to settle down and my unsteadiness is showing itself. All I can hope is that I find new footing.

... here are some photos from The Garden of Unearthly Delights.



( more )